A few weeks ago, I travelled to Washington DC with my father to attend the burial of a distant uncle, Jack, who left Belgium with his wife Aimee in the 1950s.
The real American dream!

When I heard the news, I called my father as I knew he was really close to Jacques. I had the feeling that he was going to travel to the US and say his final goodbye to his dear uncle. For the ones who know me even a bit, you probably know that my relationship with my father has not always been easy. And this is probably a euphemism. With years of therapy and hours of conversation with my loved ones, I now feel more confident in the fact that the adult I became can handle a healing interaction with the man I admired and feared so much in my youth.

I want to speak about the emotional journey that led to the decision to book my flight. I don’t recall any other time my dad and I spent four days together willingly. This trip together was for me more than just leisure time abroad. It was a victory for both of us and that’s why I wanted to share it in an understandable way. And the best way I found to do so was using the language I learned during my life coaching training at the Jay Shetty Certification School. You might have heard about NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) and if you have not, please read about it. It’s a fascinating methodology to explore our inner world. It is seen by some as a non-scientific method, but I must admit that it has been really efficient for me and for some people I have coached, so I’m sticking with it. I use this methodology when I coach. I like to use the metaphor of sailing on the sea to communicate with my clients about our inner journey. Please allow me to use this metaphor to take you on this journey, hoping that part of you feels encouraged to undertake a journey on your own someday.

The horizon is so bright sailing feels good. The sound of the waves lapping against the side of our ship in such a gentle way. A feeling of peace and confidence emerges. We left the harbour a few hours ago and everyone in the ship is at peace. Back in the harbour, the certainty of our life made the departure possible: everyone felt confident enough to undertake this adventure and we all agreed on the destination.

All the crew members has a different idea of what this weekend with our father will look like. For some of us like Omar, the idealist, it will be perfect and loving. For others like Hughes, the trip is a scary endeavour. He actually didn’t want to leave at first, thinking that the stay in Washington might be painful. What if we don’t get along with our father, even though we worked so hard for years to make peace with our past? People say, “You always
remain your parent’s child even as an adult.” Right? How can we make sure there will be an adult in the room when a challenge arises? That being said, Omar, Hughes and the others left the harbour, hoping to heal the wounds of our inner child.

Let’s be honest, the departure was rushed, and not really thought through. A certain kind of intuition was followed. The consensus was made that the journey was worthwhile, but it wasn’t clear why and how the boat was going to face a potential storm at sea.

Indeed, on the fourth day, a huge, dark cloud appeared on the horizon; a massive storm was coming up and tension started to arise.

– “Why did we leave the harbour, for God’s sake?” said Omar. “I was OK with the false idea I had of my father! We were calling each other once a year and that was OK. Why on earth did we need to come here?”.
– “We are going to die!” shared Hughes. “I told you facing your fears is too dangerous. I knew at least in the harbour I was at peace”(and had insomnia.)

Everyone had to talk to each other. The tension was real. The hatches were closed and many of us shared that we wanted to change the course of the trip. We fought for the moorings, grabbing them and pulling them like in a crazy tug of war! The pain was obvious. The ship was drifting out of inertia.

Given that the storm was getting closer, the waves were more and more threatening, and the sailors could feel their stomachs churning. It wasn’t sea sickness, it was the mix of fear and anger that one can feel when one is put in a situation that isn’t controlled or planned. Everyone felt the same, but no one was able to see their common state and find peace. Two sailors were lost at sea at the peak of the storm. That’s when everyone agreed that we had to empower one of us to become the ship’s steward. Was Omar going to lead? Was Hughes going to?

After a heated conversation, we all agreed to choose Nicole as our steward. The communication wasn’t easy, but everyone on the board could state some observations and then share their thoughts and emotions so that they could be voiced and met. Quite a negotiation! NIcole was the most courageous of all. She was a dreamer and could understand Omar’s aspirations, but she also had a sense of Hughes’ realism. This helped her relate to her mates. She helped the sailors agree on a destination, and after that long process, it was decided that the plane tickets would be bought.
The website page was opened and the information was entered. The final booking button was clicked.

That was it.